During the month of September, I am preaching through a short series on the family. I believe our world continually offers lies to the modern family as to its purpose and function. We have been duped into thinking wrong things about the family. To uncover these lies, we must turn to the One who created the family. It is only when we are willing to learn and submit to what God has designed that the family will be what it was meant to be.
There are several lies that have been directed at husbands that are destroying not only our families, but also our society.
Lie #1: I Am Not A Leader
The lie goes something like this: "But I'm not naturally a leader. I don't have to lead my home. I do not know why people make it such a big deal. I simply do not see myself as a leader in my home." The problem with this is that by God's design, He has established that there is leadership inherent in the position of husband. The Apostle Paul clearly states that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the man and God is the head of Christ (1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:22-24).
This concept of headship is rooted back to creation when God created Adam and Eve. In his book, Systematic Theology, Wayne Grudem offers several evidences that the man was created to lead the home from the very beginning.
- Adam was created first, then Eve.
- Eve was created as a helper for Adam.
- Adam named Eve.
- God named the human race 'man' not 'woman.'
- The Serpent came to Eve first.
- God spoke to Adam first after the fall.
- Adam, not Eve, represents the human race.
- The curse brought a distortion of roles, not the introduction of new roles.
Lie #2: I Must Be In Control
The lies goes something like this: "If I am in authority around here, then I WILL BE in authority. She will know who is boss around here." In Genesis 3:16, God states the consequences of sin to the woman. God says that she will desire to usurp his authority, but he will be tempted to rule over her. There will be a temptation for the husband to be domineering with his wife. That is why Paul writes in Colossians 3:19 that the husband is not to be harsh with his wife. Peter says that the husband is to live in an understanding way with his wife, showing honor to the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7).
Let me be very clear what this means. The husband is not the dictator. The wife is not the slave of the home. The wife is not the maid. She is not to be talked to as if she is one of the children. She should not be talked down to or demeaned. She is the wife, which means, she is the helper. She is to be cherished, not ordered around.
Lie #3: I Am Not Responsible
The lie goes something like this: "In my leadership, I choose to do nothing. I don't want to make any decisions. I am going to be the leader by delegating everything to my wife. After all, it's not like I will be held accountable for anything." Men who abdicate their authority in the home is one of the greatest tragedies in our society. It really pains me to see men physically present in the home, but he does nothing to show his family Christ. He is apathetic when it comes to God's Word. He never makes a decision. He acts as if he is a eunuch when God has called him to be a man.
We know from the Scriptures that the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, but what does that mean? How did Christ love the church? There are many aspects of that, but let must just offer a few ideas. First, Christ's Love was Sacrificial. He came to this earth to die. He lived a perfect life for us. Many men will die for their wife when what their wife wants is them to live for her. Second, Christ's Love was Incarnational. He entered into our world to engage us. Men are called on a similar mission, to enter into the world of his wife and engage her.
Third, Christ's Love was Instructional. He came to teach and instruct. Husbands are called to be men of the Word (Eph. 5:25-27). It means taking the word of God to bear upon the life of your family. Fourth, Christ's Love was Responsible. He did not commit any of the angry or lustful thoughts I have, but He takes responsibility for them through the cross. Adam was held responsible for his family. And the husband will give an account to how he shepherded his home.